Self Realization
When I was little I never really knew what I wanted to do when I grew up. I remember when I was in elementary school and many kids wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a pro athlete, or a movie star. When I was asked the famous “what do you want to do when you grow up” I usually responded with something along the lines of “I have absolutely no idea.”
Ever since I can remember my parents have been so supportive of everything I do and have told me that they do multiple times. However in conversations we’ve had over the years they’ve hinted at certain careers like saying things like “It’s sad seeing all these young boys with their dreams of making it into the NFL when in reality less then one percent will actually make it.” Or “It’s sad seeing people work their whole lives working towards Broadway when in reality many of them won’t make it.” Or “Why would anyone be an artist, many of them don’t make it big enough to actually make a living of it” At the time I brushed things like this off and didn’t really think about what they said when really they were implanting something that they and I didn’t even know they were doing. I knew they really didn’t mean any harm, I knew that if I wanted to do something like that they’d support me. But then I started thinking what was the point of even trying if I know that there’s almost no chance of it working out for me.
There is a character on Glee, Rachel, who has grown up her whole life dreaming of being on Broadway and has been convinced that she was going to make it. In one of the last episodes she had her audition for a very excellent theater school that is nearly impossible to get into. She had been practicing for that day her whole life, and was so prepared, but when it was time to sing she messed up the words three times and the scout wouldn’t let her restart. She didn’t know what to do. She had no back up plan.
This is what I was afraid of, I found myself detaching from things in my life out of fear. I was afraid of making a fool of myself. I was afraid of not being good enough. I was afraid of failure. The sad thing is I just recently realized this. But now that’s I’ve figured out what I want to do, I’m passionate about what I’m doing and giving everything I have into it.
